Different Sex Drives

[Starchild]

Can a relationship work when two people have incompatible sex drives?  What if it's not about the frequency, but that they have different wants as far as intensity (for lack of a better word) or freakiness of the sex they desire?  What if one only wants to do it at night, in the bed with the lights off, and the other is trying to rub up every time they're alone? 

[devineone]

Can a relationship work when two people have incompatible sex drives? 

LOL yeah it's call a marriage.  I always hear about some married people complain about sex. Either they're not getting enough of it, or one wants too much and the other hardly wants it.  One is too tired or it's too monotonous.  Maybe that's why finances and sex are two of the main things married folks fight about supposedly.

Seriously, though I think a relationship can survive when people have different sex drives if the people involved are willing to compromise.  Sex like anything else is a give and take.  If some one is wanting things done their way all of the time and expects the other person to "accomodate their desires, then that relationship won't work.  Not so much because of the sex in and of itself but the message that is sent behind the sex and that is somebody is being self centered and selfish.

If I were with a guy and say he wanted me to try something a bit freakish but not totally crazed porno freakish, even though I'd be uncomfortable at first, I'd be willing to try it because of what I feel for the guy.  However, I"d expect him to respect my boundaries and feelings too.  I expect him to reciprocate.  If he wants it say 5 nights a week and I don't (though I do love frequent sex so that wouldn't be me), but in this example, I'd expect him to compromise on that point.

I think it also depends on how freaky the guy is.   Some guys are way freaky.  I am not into 3some BS of any type.  Nor do I want to be videotaped.   But if I'm in a committed loving relationship (not a FWB type of BS), but a real relationship and I'm feeling my mate on all the levels, sexually, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, and he's feeling me the same, shyt ain't too much I won't do, because I'm a very passionate woman with the right guy and when the time is right.

[devineone]

I saw this on the Today show this week, they kept talking about it over and over.  Man when white folks do something it’s promoted all over the place.  If a black person came up with that idea, the press would care less.
 I mean really who cares about white folx phuking like rabbits for the better part of the year. At any rate, thought I'd include it here since it is somewhat related.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/08/fashion/08nights.html?em&ex=1213329600&en=bd381a7d87b297b8&ei=5087%0A

I say that the frequency of sex in and of itself won't save your relationship, if the parties involved aren't relating in other areas of their lives out of the bedroom.  A lot of times people don't want to have sex because of resentment that has built up from various aspects of their lives.  They are angry at their job, spouse, children, whatever… and when you're not feeling well emotionally and mentally and you allow that to go unchecked, it affects how you feel physically and yes sexually, it’s all connected. 

You can't work on just the sex if you're not fixing the other parts of your life as it relates to your SO; that's just putting a bandage over a pulsing sore.  It's a short term fix but the underlying problems are still there.  I believe that couples have to consistently connect in all the important areas emotionally, mentally, spiritually and sexually.  I've been in a relationship where just my sexual needs were being met, but the other areas were sadly lacking and let me tell you, no amount of sex, no matter how freaky, how frequent, or even how good will matter when he's not "turning me on in the other parts of my life.

[philnation]

Can a relationship work when two people have incompatible sex drives?

LOL yeah it's call a marriage.

That's a man's line!    

[Bambi eyes]

Can a relationship work when two people have incompatible sex drives?

I don't think it can really work.  You want someone who matches you and your needs as closely as possible in and out of the bedroom.  If you have to make too many adjustments or go without getting what you want to suit your mate then chances are you won't be too happy in the long run... unless you or the other person are extremely accomodating and willing to sacrafice not getting most of what you want for the sake of keeping the relationship, which is pointless in my opinion because why be unhappy and unfulfilled within a relationship when there are other options.

[The Shepherd]

Can a relationship work when two people have incompatible sex drives? 

LOL yeah it's call a marriage. 

Damm! That's toooo funnneee!

What's up Devineone? Can I elaborate, just a little, on marriage and sex?

A relationship, a marriage, can work when the two parties have different sex drives only if it's not a question of one party never wanting it and one party always wanting it. The longer the relationship, the less emphasis on the sexual activity. A long term relationship needs sex, but as the relationship grows it needs sex less than in the initial stages.

I've been married 9 years, but have been having sex with my wife for 16 years. And I'll be honest, I used to not be able to go a week without sex, but now...? I'm not as pressed as I used to be if I've gone 4 or 5 days without getting some.

It just seems impossible to carry the same intensity into the bedroom 2008 as I did in 1992. It just ain't happening! The shyt's real hot and intense about half (maybe less) of the time. You get used to your partner. Early on, in the first 4 or 5 years, every time I'd see my wife naked I'd get aroused. But, I mean, I've seen this woman naked damm near everyday for 11 years, and it doesn't inpire the same continuous response that it used to. Hell, I'm used to seeing that. Plus, this ain't a young 23 year old dyck anymore! My dyck's damm near 40, and it's been in the game some 25 years! The only thing that'll get it excited numerous times everyday is some new naked, not that same naked it's been seeing everyday!

The only other thing I'd say about sexual compatibility is that you'll eventually grow into a sexual pattern, or routine, for lack of better phraseology. So, if you really desire hot intense sex, you better get it before the relationship gets too old because once that routine sets in, it'll only get hot and intense about half the time.