II,
Hittin the nail on the head as usual. Why is it that women so often ask these presumptive questions? The same reason they presume that their non-verbal communications are understood by anyone other than themselves? What did Rev. Wright say last night, "Different does not mean deficient" Men tend to communicate differently than women do. We are much simpler. As Bobby Womack said, "If I want a glass of water, I'll say, 'I'm thirsty, can I have a glass of water?'" None of this "if he knew me, he'd know what I meant/wanted/thought/liked/needed..."
Women often think that they are communicating clearly, when it reality what they do is drop hints, say vague/ambiguous things, and play games to see if he can figure her out. WOmen often expect/presume other people to pick up on the hidden meanings of what they do/don't do or say/don't say by their body language, tone, slight pauses, sighs, gestures, posture, etc. Some people just decide that if you're an adult and big enough to have shyt to say, you should just come on out and say it. My mother told me a story about when she and my dad first got married (40 years ago) and she was doing some old expecting him to read her mind type shyt, and he didn't get it. She says she sat in the house crying and he was outside under the car---meanwhile, my dad is one of the sweetest, most loving people you could ever meet. He loves my mother to death and would do anything for her, but he is BAD at picking up non-verbal clues. Even I can see how bad he is at that. Once she got that through her head, everything was copacetic. So while it may be annoying to have to spell some things out, you can learn to communicate more effectively in a way that your partner understands, and be happy, or you can sit home alone and be secure in your knowledge that if your man really cared about you he would read your mind.
Objection. I would preface this statement with "Some" women because not all women play these passive agressive games. I am a woman who shoots straight from the hip. I say what I want. I communicate my thoughts. Now the problem comes when a woman does these things and the guys still "don't get it". Why is it then that guys don't have a clue? When the woman comes out and says what's on her mind, and the guy is still clueless, what's his excuse then?
At the same time, I am good on picking up vibes, nuances, nonverbal clues, and body language. Maybe women are just made that way by nature after all they are the nurturers and caretakers so they "have" to be able to "read" an infant who can't communicate verbally for the first 2 years of their life.
I disagree that men are all that "different". They can pick up on subtle nuances should the situation call for it. In a professional setting, I'll bet they can pick up on vibes just as well as a woman can. Hell, men can play poker all day long and pick up body language, non verbal clues. However it seems something happens when it comes to them picking up these subtle nuances with their SO. Something happens that seems to turn the guy off when it comes to his willingness to apply these same abilities to his SO. It almost seem as though they raise the bar for their SO and hold them to a higher standard, or maybe they have a lower threshold of tolerance for dealing with nonverbal communication when it comes to their SO.
Yet all day long in other areas of their lives, work, hobbies, other interest... they can pick up on nonverbal cues, as well as any woman. So I don't buy into that men are so different than women that their ability to pick up on nonverbal cues is vastly underdeveloped.
That's like that ADHD arguments that some parents like to use when they say their child can't focus enough to take notes in class so he needs some alternative assistance. Yet this same child can focus like a mofo, when it comes to doing what "he/she wants to do.
Some of this could be with some men, they deliberatly act obtuse when it comes to not having a clue, especially if they suspect they are in the wrong about something. I do think that women shouldn't pout, act sullen or engage in passive agressive behavior when they have issues with their SO because that doesn't resolve anything. In fact it just blows the issues up bigger.
However, men also act out PA. In my experience, guys can act just as PA (the way Starchild described) as women. Instead of discussing what's on their mind, they'll shut down, wall up, act distant, and act out. Yet they'll still want sex after shutting the woman out all day. I abhor PA behavior. While women have the reputation for engaging in it more than men, I'd say men can be just as bad. PA behavior in communication is destructive.
