It's true though, this is one of the criteria that I assess when deciding if I could date/ potentially marry someone (and one of the reasons I left the ex I was talking about in the other thread--girl wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. And she didn't liked to wear drawz). LOL!
I do feel that people shouldn’t be with someone when they aren’t compatible and I totally agree with finding and being with the person who is right for you. No need to waste time, energy and emotion with someone you’re not happy with.
However in your case SC, (and if I’m being presumptuous, I apologize and I'm not talking about this particular breakup case), but I get the impression from some of your posts I’ve read since I’ve been here, with you when it comes to women you’re pretty darn picky. You’re mentally keeping a checklist with every behavior you encounter in a woman you date and any thing you perceive as a flaw may get blown up in your mind to the point where that is all you see.
Now I realize that it is an important part of dating to assess one’s partner and men and women are wise to do this, however some people can take this out of hand and I wonder if they track the good stuff as well. Do we look at people to find flaws? When all you look for is bad, then you stop seeing the good in people. If your focus is in finding flaws, then you’ve lost the focus to look for the positive things.
A guy friend emailed highlights of a book he’d read called “Unhooked Generation
”. (Which is a wonder as guys aren’t really known for reading self-help books like women at least this guy didn't).
He was tired of the dating scene and was ready to meet “the one” but he realized that he needed to do some inner reflection as he could be the main reason he hasn’t met the right woman yet, because he needed to get “right” within himself. Someone once said: Where ever you go there you are
, so he started thinking about that and conversations we’ve had about dating.
Here are the summarized highlights he sent. I’ve found them quite valuable and I’ve incorporated them into my mental rolodex and I'm applying them not only in my personal relationships but to my life in general.1. Look at ourselves first. Finding true love is an internal process, not an external one; it is not about finding a perfect match, but rather deciding to become someone who is both lovable and capable of being open, selfless, optimistic, brave, accepting, forgiving, patient and loving.
2. Be more willing to become “accepting” by focusing on the positive qualities of your partner instead of devaluing them by expecting your partner to live up to pre-conceived ideas you have in your head of how a person “should” be or what you think they “ought” to be in order to fit your ideal.
3. Focus on what you bring into your partner’s life instead of what your partner can do for you.
4. Stop expecting to receive love without being loving in return, without renewing the love and passion once it comes into your life.
5. Stop thinking that you’ll just happen upon the person who will make your life complete, who will be the yin to your yang, who will be the missing piece to your puzzle. People are individuals with their own idiosyncrasies and quirks and no one is a perfect fit for anyone else. This is a fantasy hammered into our minds that is fueled by Hollywood. Soul mates are made, not born, being willing to work and create a soul mate out of yourself and the person that comes into your life is the magic and fantasy.