Are Your Dating Selections A Reflection of Self?

[Informed Investor]

When you are in a pattern of bad relationships are you attracting what you really are? It’s an interesting question. I mean every person is capable of lying or cheating, playing games etc. I think the difference is some people surrender to that mindset and others although capable of joining the dark side chose not to do so.

It’s easier to cheat, play games and lie than to try and build a substantial relationship. I’m trying to hammer into my female friends head that male player has that one woman he can’t play. I have seen it. The biggest player I know went to jail for killing his girl after she had moved on with her life. I have seen women who I thought were made out of steel be like puddy in the hands of the man they were in love with.

What your thoughts? If you always attract crazy people does it mean you are crazy? Is the answer within ones self? Deep thought…

[Nfant_D_Milieu]

I would say that dating selection is a reflection of a person.  Looking at a person's mate will demonstrate how that person view himself or herself and his or her ability to make sound judgment.  I see people get involved with trifling individuals and then want to blame the entire world for his or her misfortune after the relationship went bad.       

[Informed Investor]

I agree if a person displays blatant outward signs of triflingness. A lot of men and women are able to hide their negativity for months. Person A selects person B. Person B is pretending to be good (without any outward signs of trifaling stuff going on) but is in fact trifaling. Does the selection of person B by person A reflect poorly on person A in this situation? Is person A pretending to be good but secretly trifaling his/herself?

[MsHeartBeat]

Wow, this was a good thread I am sorry I didn't see.  II brought up some great points that I think a lot of guys, in their haste to blame women for their "poor choices in men" don't consider.

Some men and women can be so deep in their denial of who and what they really are, that many times they don't even know themselves!  My Dad was the first person I knew that passed lie detector tests all the time, even when his ass was guilty as I don't know what.  He told me then that lie detector tests don't determine the truth from a lie at all, what they do is measure if you BELIEVE you are telling the truth. And if you make your mind believe that something is true, then to you it is.

So a person who is focused on getting over on someone, using them, lying and pretending to be something they are not to "win" can pass the bullshit meter of dozens of people without a buzzer going off. 

That is why it is always interesting for me to read posts like Infant's that point the finger of blame at the person that got gamed on.  Yeah, if the individual they picked showed clear signs of being trifling, well that is one thing.  But most don't do that and we all know it. They lie, manipulate, hide, pretend, don't tell the whole truth, leave out vital information about their life history, etc.

It takes time to uncover the real person and what they are doing.  Some don't find out how trifling someone really was until the police knock at the door, a kid needs a transfusion, you come down with AIDS from your man being a closet switch hitter, or they die and you find out your husband had a second wife in another state and a whole nother family after he married you.

But guys like Infant say "well you should have known!" Can we not put some of the responsiblity on the person that lied and manipulated?

Also, too many young men think that their woman is a reflection of them somehow, which is why they want to have one that looks a certain way.  Their goal is to impress other men with how their woman looks, not by what kind of woman she is or what kind of man HE is.

[devineone]

Also, too many young men think that their woman is a reflection of them somehow, which is why they want to have one that looks a certain way.  Their goal is to impress other men with how their woman looks, not by what kind of woman she is or what kind of man HE is.

Yup I see this happen A LOT with guys who will pass by girls who are perfectly fine but they want to go for a 'certain look'.  Meanwhile they are maybe a 5 or 6 themselves but going for 8's and 10's. LOL