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Author Topic: Would you tell???  (Read 1632 times)
Ginger
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« on: September 10, 2009, 01:01:55 PM »

Hey Wink

I have a friend who is really into this guy and she thinks he's into her as well. She obviously has a reason to because he tell her how much he care about her and all of that and wants to be with her. She is falling in love with him so she says, but I already know she really do love him. Problem is, we have another friend who is more of like an associate to me but is really a friend to her. I happen to be visiting with my cousin and she lives in the same apartment complex as my associate, AKA my home girl's friend and guess what I saw?

Yeah thats right. My friends guy friend was going into her apartment but didnt see me. It was 10:13 pm, Eastern standard time to be exact. It was the same car he drove, same walk, same dreads, it was him no doubt! Of course me and my cousin gossiped about it and my cousin said she has seen that same guy and same car over there a couple of times.

Now this happened over the Labor day weekend but I havent told my girl yet. I knew that guy was no good and she always has the same problem with her choice of cheating, lying men. This girl is not like my other friends. She is not self confident at all even though she is very smart and pretty and very intelligent and has alot going for herself. I know she will think Im just dogging him out because she know how I feel about him and her choice of men. She is real naive too.

So how can I go about telling her without hurting her feelings or making her upset because she is so sensitive. I really dont care about if the associate know I told because I dont have any obligation to her but I do to my friend. I know they are really good friends and have been for years. I also know that there is a good chance that she will believe her friend more then me and then our friendship may be ruined so what would you do? I made up in my mind Im telling I just want other view points.
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« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2009, 03:32:02 PM »

Hey Wink I have a friend who is really into this guy and she thinks he's into her as well. She obviously has a reason to because he tell her how much he care about her and all of that and wants to be with her.
Does this guy backs up what he ‘tells’ your friend with actions that follow through?  In other words, does he show that he likes her and wants to pursue a relationship with her?  And what does he actually ‘Do besides telling her how much he cares and wants to be with her that proves his words?  Maybe by asking your friend these leading questions, you may steer her to thinking for herself without you having to say anything negative about this guy since you are aware your friend is set against anything you tell her about the guys she dates.
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Yeah thats right. My friends guy friend was going into her apartment but didnt see me. It was 10:15 pm, Eastern standard time to be exact. It was the same car he drove, same walk, same dreads, it was him no doubt!
Now this happened over the Labor day weekend but I havent told my girl yet.
So how can I go about telling her without hurting her feelings or making her upset because she is so sensitive. I really dont care about if the associate know I told because I dont have any obligation to her but I do to my friend. I know they are really good friends and have been for years. I also know that there is a good chance that she will believe her friend more then me and then our friendship may be ruined so what would you do? I made up in my mind Im telling I just want other view points.

I don’t know about your friend, but I would want my friends to tell me if they knew something was going on that would potentially hurt me.  My gf’s and I have a pact like this.  If you do decide to tell her, just be factual and to the point, don’t elaborate or get gossipy.  You could say something like. “I saw your guy going into another woman’s apartment at 10:15 at night.  (Make sure this woman he is visiting is not a relative before you tell though).  You don’t have to name the woman just tell her what you saw and it would be up to her to sort it out with the guy.  But if she and this guy are not a couple in a committed relationship and he is just running ‘game’ on her, then she doesn’t have the right to question his comings and goings and if that’s the case you shouldn’t involve yourself.
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This girl is not like my other friends. She is not self confident at all even though she is very smart and pretty and very intelligent and has alot going for herself. I know she will think Im just dogging him out because she know how I feel about him and her choice of men. She is real naive too.
In fact I’m leaning more towards you not saying anything about it. But as her friend, just give her practical advice in general about how she can be less naïve where men are concerned but don’t do it with a judgmental tone which can turn her off. You could even start by directing her to Ms. HB’s website and advice column.  There is a wealth of information for her to read and learn in order to be less gullible where guys are concerned.  If you don’t want her to run the risk of reading your question on the forum point her to some relationship advice columns/books. There is nothing wrong with getting advice on how to deal with men and relationships.  This is a ‘learned behavior so how can you learn if you aren’t taught properly.
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« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2009, 11:00:07 PM »

I don't want to say that your friend is confused, but I have to caution you not to jump to conclusions about what the guy said and assume that he lied or anything.

Because most of the time, women take a few words of beginning interest, and turn it into a romantic commitment.

See, likes you (meaning you are cool, let's keep hanging and see where this goes) gets turned into "I want to be with you forever."

And "I like being with you" or "I like being around you" gets turned into "he wants to commit and be my man."

Did she ever ask him if he was seeing someone else? Probably not, most women don't.  Vital question that is always conveniently left out of the conversation.

And unless the two of them have sat down and agreed to be exclusive, he isn't doing anything wrong and has every right to see whoever he wants, just like she does. There is nothing to "tell" because they are not boyfriend/girlfriend or committed partners in any way.  Any single person with no commitment is free and fully entitled to date around if they want. 
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