Insecurity

[Vance87]

Why?  I think he may have had one too many and was feeling a little cocky and may have even wanted to get a rise out of you and pick a fight.

What do I think of people who do this kind of thing?  I think people, expecially the new comers need to stay out of whatever went on in the previous relationship.  This is how enemies are created.  This is how people get killed, over stupid petty things like this.  This could have easily turned real nasty had Starchild also had one two many drinks, been sensitive to the issues he had with his Ex, and been armed.  People really need to think before they go walking up on someone talking shyt, because things can go volitile very quickly.  Had it been me (as the ex-girlfriend)  I probably would not have even bothered to point out that my Ex was there and would have just casually said let's hit another place this one's too crowded, because no matter how "on good terms" things end, there is always a bit of residue left over from the loves of your past and when a third party comes on the scene trying to exploit that and stir things up, anythings liable to happen .  I'm glad he (the guy) walked away instead of waiting for a reaction, but a little dissapointed that after the fact Starchild let it take up even a small portion of brain space and thought, because chances are that's exactly what the guy and Starchild's Ex wanted...for Starchild to be affected by the encounter. 

Imagine this scene... Dude walks up to Starchild says what he has to say and Starchild immediately gets up walks over to his Ex, grabs her and starts tonguing her down right there for all to see and then worse... she starts reciprocating... then how stupid would Mr. New Guy have felt, and what would have happened next?  People need to check their egos and just let sleeping dogs lie, the world would be a much happier place...Starchild didn't need to ever cross paths with New Guy... totally unnecessary.

Examining this from another angle... New guy may have been trying to destroy Starchilds nice evening since he had to have seen him standing there with another woman, enjoying himself and the encounter was so brief that it may as well not have even happened. 

If this had happened to me as a woman, I would not have appreciated a heffa coming up on me getting in me and my ex's business and even beginning to comment on it to ME... but that's me... "don't start none, won't be none."   

Thanks Bambi. It is beyond ridiculous to suggest ST had some kind of issue,or even question how he broke up with his ex. What that corny ass nut did has landed a many of young brothas in the morgue. Anyone not wearing blinders knows this. Under any circumstances you don't do what that guy did. any female who would permit her mate to do so is not only selfish, but potentially lacks basic regard for her man's safety and well being.

[Vance87]

Starchild I unfortunately know of too many situations similar to what you described that have turned out quite deadly.  Yes dude was a cornball. The fact that your ex would allow him to do something like that only further vindicates your decision to break up with her.

[Legacy]

Starchild I unfortunately know of too many situations similar to what you described that have turned out quite deadly.  Yes dude was a cornball. The fact that your ex would allow him to do something like that only further vindicates your decision to break up with her.

http://innovationzen.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/preach.jpg

[Keba]

Vance, it doesn't sound like his Ex knew beforehand that her significant other was going to approach Starchild.  So, the comment about, "The fact that your ex would allow him to do something like that..." is not an issue here.  I think it was to Starchild's Ex's credit that they left the place "in the blink of an eye".  It shows that she didn't want any confrontation between the two men.

I think Coolbreeze’s response is dead-on.  It’s the best approach to me.  However, I wouldn't want or tell my now significant other to approach my Ex, but if my Ex had been an azzhole or a cornball in our relationship and my significant other approached him in the way that Starchild’s Ex’s SO did and nothing happened, I stand by what I said in my first response. 

Actually, most confrontations with Exs don't fall into the category of being fatal or actual fisticuffs.  If my Ex's now partner approached me, so long as she doesn't put her hands on me, and depending on the situation, I'd give her a nice response or look at her like she was crazy.  Either way, I would continue enjoying my date.  It ain't that serious.    I believe this is the approach most people take.  True, there are some thugs out there who’d take it to the next level but for the most part, that’s not what happens.  The guy’s comment to Starchild wasn’t aggressive so there really was no room for Starchild to get aggressive with him. 

As a matter of fact, it sounds like Starchild was taken aback/confused by the man’s comment and had to regain his composure somewhat to figure out what was going on.  The guy wanted to throw Starchild off balance without the situation becoming volatile. 

Maybe Starchild will give us a little more details about the breakup? 

[Starchild]

I definitely was taken aback and confused.  And while the actual words of dude's comment weren't overtly aggressive, his actions alone were a bit aggressive.   

As for the breakup----I asked her to meet up with me one evening after work and told her (gently) that I didn't want to continue in our relationship.  I'd gradually been coming to that conclusion over the prior months, but I hadn't given any indication of it.  It was very sad--I cared about her a lot and it wasn't easy to do (which is why I'd been thinking on it for a while).  I cried more than she did, she seemed to be in shock, like it wasn't really happening.  We sat and talked for several hours and I explained to her my feelings that we'd both be better suited for different people.  I let her say what she wanted to say, but I didn't let her go too far because it wasn't a topic open for discussion.  I didn't go into great detail about all the things I'd been thinking/feeling because I thought a lot of detail would just hurt her feelings and she had shaky self esteem to begin with.  I also didn't want her to think that that there was something she had done or not done that would or could change things. I had just realized that for personality reasons (mine and hers), I couldn't see myself married to her.  It wasn't something to be worked through or something that could be changed (she tried the, "I'll change anything"), it was just my personality and hers.  She's a great person--just not the one for me.  I tried to convey that, but it's a little hard to tell someone how great they are when you're leaving them.  So I kept that stuff to a minimum because it sounds disingenuous and it gives mixed messages.   When I finally walked away, I expected to feel terrible, but I didn't...I felt better, I felt free. 

She called once, in the middle of the night, a few days later and left a crying message.  She called back the next morning, yelled at me for not calling her back, and hung up on me.  That only confirmed my decision to me.  I didn't call back for a bunch of reasons, and she never called again either. 

I know it's painful when someone leaves you, especially if it's unexpected, but isn't that better than being strung along by someone who doesn't really want to be with you?  Like Ralph Tresvant said, I did what I had to do and broke her heart.       

[Keba]

Yep, there is just no easy way to breakup with someone who we know loves us, especially when it was unexpected. 

She called once, in the middle of the night, a few days later and left a crying message.  She called back the next morning, yelled at me for not calling her back, and hung up on me.  That only confirmed my decision to me.  I didn't call back for a bunch of reasons, and she never called again either. 

I know it's painful when someone leaves you, especially if it's unexpected, but isn't that better than being strung along by someone who doesn't really want to be with you?  Like Ralph Tresvant said, I did what I had to do and broke her heart.

You said that you had been mulling over breaking up with your Ex for a couple of months, which makes me wonder if you were looking for reasons why she wasn't the right one for you, rather than focusing on the good things you liked about her. 

I understand that sometimes we know that someone just isn't for us and we no longer want to continue the relationship.  When we know this in our heart-of-hearts, it's always best to dissolve the relationship rather than lead the person on, even though it may hurt that person.  Sometimes, it even hurts us to let them go.

[Informed Investor]

Insecure New Man: I want to thank you for leaving me that beautiful woman over there

II: Well you are welcome man but I don't remember that woman (said with confused look).

ROFLMAO!

[MsHeartBeat]

I see him just letting you know that you breaking it off with a woman "on the verge of engagement" was callous and cruel, but he came along and the effect of breaking her that you may have hoped for did not happen.  Whether you cried or not has no bearing on how SHE felt and how SHE took a sudden breakup with a man she thought was going to be her husband.

But the real question is why didn't you ask him what he said that shit to you for? That way you would know.

Personally if some woman came up to me saying something like that I would tell her "Glad my recycled leftovers were useful to you. Some people shop at second hand stores, and some don't."  I would have had to crack her face then turn my back to her dropped jaw and make her sorry for coming at me sideways with some crazy conversation. 

IT'S MY EX so I don't care what happens to him or who has him or where he goes or what he does.  All that would have been communicated in my 3 second response.