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By March 3, 2013

DAY 1 – 40 Days of Rain on DBR Black Men

On February 27th I made a FaceBook post which stated that black men are not “natural leaders” at all in spite of proclamations to the contrary. The post stirred a fire and we had a great conversation about the failures of black men, what it means to be a man, the damage these DBR black men are doing to the black community, why upstanding black men defend these clowns, and why dumb black women defend them as well. More than 325 comments have been posted and the thread is still going strong.

But one of the most interesting things was the intensity with which some of the Brothas on the thread blamed women for choosing men that are not leadership worthy. In spite of the fact that I said clearly we can count on two hands the black men that ARE leadership worthy, these guys insisted that black women are at fault for choosing to align themselves with any man that is not of leadership calibre.

All in all, I was so disgusted by some of the responses of males who proceeded to call me and other women who posted on the thread horrible, degrading names. I shared that I was not going to be silenced. Ever.  You can read that post here.

“I am going straight biblical and for the next 40 days and 40 nights I am going to rain on the heads of these spirit killing black males. I am going to drop hail, sleet and flames like you have never seen before.”

Then my girl Kendyl Cherry came along and posed one simple question to the menfolk:

“What I’d like to know is – to the men on this thread who believe that the factor that will make the most difference in the black community is the type of men that black women choose…

In your day to day lives, including yourselves, your friends, family, neighbors and co-workers – what percentage of the black men do YOU know, who actually FIT the mold of the type of men you are asserting that black women should choose?

(And before you answer this, do a bit of deeper reflection. I’m not talking about the so called ‘good black man’, many black men like to claim to be, simply because they are not in jail and hold down a regular job. I mean HONORABLE men, who don’t CHEAT on their women, do not engage in sex with women they have no intentions of committing to, exercise some sort of leadership initiative within their communities, pursue education, both formal and self taught, with verve & enthusiasm, parent and support their children to the FULLEST OF THEIR FATHERLY DUTIES AND OBLIGATIONS, regardless of the relationship with the mother, know a teachable trade or skill that they are passing down to other black males, volunteer or donate regularly to worthy causes, do not abuse alcohol or drugs, do not have 2-5 different women in rotation at any given moment, take care of their health and lead by example for other males to follow, and are ACTIVELY working to counter the thug/criminal element that are holding their communities hostage).

If you can answer HONESTLY, how many of THOSE types of men you guys know, after answering that, can you HONESTLY say, that if black women were to ONLY choose those types of men, what percentage of BM would EVER actually get chosen? Meaning, based on the notion of ‘choosing better’ (with the presupposition that in that ideal, you are suggesting that BW choose BLACK MEN) how many of THOSE type of men, do you honestly know exist and avail themselves to BW?

If the issue is the ‘choosing’ BW do, then less address what they have to choose FROM. I’m interested in hearing from the MALES, the truth about the quality of men they know BW have to choose from. And I don’t mean some ‘scraping the bottom of the barrel, he’s not too bad after you fix him up’ dudes. I’m talking bout mint condition, factory fresh, ready to wear, turn key MEN, that BW have to choose from as mates and husbands. I want to hear you guys HONEST take on what YOU know to be true about what BW are facing out there.

More importantly, I want to see if you can be honest with YOURSELVES about what BW are up against, in regards to options for the types of mates that YOU are insisting we should choose.

Would you, dear gentlemen, make the cut, yourselves? Do YOU live up the ideal you compel black women to chase?”

See, she said pretty much all I was going to say in this dig in your asses first of 40 days/40 nights postings. black male sagging

Where are these fantasy wonderful black men? The socialization of black males in our society promotes that they be DBR to be considered “a man”, which means they are the exact opposite of what women need and desire in a spouse.

It makes me wonder how hetereosexual most black men really are, because black men play to each other more than they play to women. Black men want to be part of the group and be accepted by other black men more than they want to be loved and accepted by women. Black men want to be admired and given kudos by other black men more than they want to be admired and given kudos by black women. That means a great many black men are nothing but undercover gay blades. They seek the attention and adoration and companionship of other men more than they seek those things from women. That means you are suspect.

Cheating, lying, gaming on women – all supported and encouraged by the DBR buddies they love so much. Even doing stupid criminal acts in groups is done to get the perceived ego boost received from having their DBR buddies egg them on and give them dap like they’ve done something amazing and equivalent to earning a Nobel Prize.

Look around you!

Where are all these amazing black men? The ones that honor and respect women, honor and respect children, are kind to strangers, supportive of the goals of their loved ones and neighbors?

Where are the black men that don’t lie to women to use them for sex or pimp them for money?

Where are the black men that don’t fold like a bad poker hand at the first sign of a struggle?

Where are the black men who don’t have a criminal record?

Where are the black men who focus on education and laying down a solid financial foundation for the future while young instead of how many women they can bag?

Where are the black men that a black woman knows has her back, and will protect her and her babies from harm? black men behind bars

Where are the black men that value a woman’s love, commitment and have strong family values/ties?

Where are the black men that will be there through thick and thin without question, without doubt?

When you meet one you better put him in a museum, because he is about as rare as a white tiger.

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Posted in: Coop's Corner

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