Long Distance Relationship With a Cheater Realistic?

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I was in a long distance relationship for about 8 months. During the first 5 or 6 months my girlfriend was not mentally ready for the relationship. There was an instance where she cheated by kissing her ex, who just happens to be the father of her child. There were also many, many instances of lying, ranging from small to large things.

After this I became very jaded. I became upset with the fact that the lying and dishonest behavior had not stopped. I began to become a different person. I became very jealous, VERY untrusting, I became upset at every little thing. I verbally put her down, and even made mention that I felt she was a whore because of her sexual past. I spoke and acted as if I didn’t care about her.

So basically now she has (sometimes) become the girl that I want to marry. I just flat out love this girl and I know she loves me.

My questions are as follows:

1. Is there a way that we can rebuild the trust in our relationship, even though we live far apart?
2. What can I do to trust her again?
3. How do I get over the past in our relationship, and move forward?

Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
Though I am sure this is very real to YOU, to me it’s nothing but a fantasy relationship that you are much too emotionally involved in. You cannot expect commitment from someone that you never spend time with. Dude, you cannot possibly be thinking of marriage and all that a solid marriage entails with a woman that you don’t trust, that lies to you, that you met over the Internet and that you haven’t been physically involved with for months if ever!

This situation makes no sense and your attitude is amazingly unrealistic. She lied to you, more than once you say. So you must ask yourself why you continued to be involved with her once you knew that fact?

Secondly, what was the reason you chose to get involved in a “relationship” with someone zillions of miles away in the first place rather than someone right in your area? And what in the world would make you think SHE would ever trust YOU again after you called her a whore and verbally abused her? What makes you think that is the behavior of a man someone would want to be with forever?

Both of you are silly. Folks There is no need to get over the past in your relationship, because you don’t really have one and haven’t ever had one. Proclaiming that you love someone under these circumstances is nothing but a stubborn insistence on being involved in an unhealthy relationship. You must be really lonely dude.

Right now I think the two of you need to stop talking and interacting with each other. Instead, focus your attentions on growing up, doing all you can to learn how to control your mouth and behavior. As things stand, either of you are mentally ready for a relationship!

MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.