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By November 11, 2012

Wishing and hoping because I still have feelings for my Ex


Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My ex-girlfriend of almost 4 years has begun to call me again. We are in a friendship relationship, but she knows my strong feelings for her are still there. We talk on the phone and see each other once in awhile.

She is in a relationship at the moment. In fact, they have just completed a year. She has begun talking to me about her boyfriend and about his bad attitudes. She mentioned that she sometimes wishes we were together again.

We email each other all the time and I tell her how I still feel. She leaves it open in the sense that she doesn’t know what might happen in the future. She also says that she misses me and that her boyfriend is sometimes difficult.

What might she be trying to tell me, and what should I do?


Signed,
Wishing Well

Dear Wishing Well:
Tell her to stop whining to you about her boyfriend because you don’t want to hear it.

Stop telling her how you feel about her.

Tell her that if she isn’t happy with her knucklehead boyfriend, she needs to get off her butt and do something about it then because nothing will change by talking to YOU about it!

Tell her that you are not there for her convenience or to make her feel better.

Tell her that you are not going to be her backup safety net pre-bound relationship.

Tell her that you also have no intention of being set up as a safety net rebound boyfriend either.

Start dating other women immediately. Be too busy with your own life to cater to some woman that thinks having two guys that want her on a leash is fun and exciting. The very next time she whines about her boyfriend after you have asked her not to tell you that crap, interrupt and start telling her what a great time you had with the new woman you met and how beautiful she is.

Stand up for yourself young man! Don’t let your feelings of attachment from some past relationship put you into a situation where you are getting used. This girl is behaving in a rather trifling manner, and violating the  sanctity  of her current relationship by trying to involve you (her ex-boyfriend) in it.

People like her (because both men and women do this stuff), will recycle people from their past  so that they never have to be alone. But as soon as someone new and interesting comes along, they dump you for that new person. When that blows up here they come calling trying to “get back together” with again, so the cycle continues.

Do not think you have a cape or any magical super powers, because you don’t. You cannot save her and shouldn’t even try.

She got herself into this alleged mess – she can figure out how to get herself out of it. You must not appear to be weak for her or ready to fall for her silly, manipulative games of power and control.

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MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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About the Author:

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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