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By May 4, 2010

The Four Lovers We Never Forget

Do you ever find yourself reminiscing about lovers from your past? I think we all do at one time or another. There is no real harm in enjoying a private moment thinking about those acts and enjoying a spine-tingle and a secret smile. However, if you find yourself feeling jealous of your mate’s past lovers, or you compare sex with your current partner to those from your past, you need to put the ghosts of lovers past to rest.

Once we pass into our third decade of life, most of us have experienced several important relationships, and subsequently, several sexual partners. The rules of modern society and the trend towards engaging in "hook ups" can push the number of potential ex-lovers upwards to dozens!

If you have come along towards the end of your partner’s sexual experimentation and feel somewhat threatened about their myriad sexual experiences, lay your fears to rest. No matter how many dozens or even hundreds of partners some have had, most people remember just four:

(1) Their very first sexual partner;
(2) The partner they did the freakiest and/or most taboo things with;
(3) The partner they had the most memorable sexual encounter with;
(4) Their last/current sexual partner.

That’s it. Everyone else fades to black. Now let’s explore these four partners in greater depth.

Our Very First Partner
The decision to remain a virgin (or not) is often fraught with guilt and confusion. Religious families raise their children to think that virginity is a prize to be awarded only to a husband or wife. More liberal families stress that the first time should be with someone you love; being married to said individual is optional.

First sex is scary, exciting, exhilarating and sometimes physically painful. Young women’s heads are filled with romantic visions of "happily ever after" and love as they share their virginal essence. Guy’s heads tend to be focused on this: "whooo hooo! I got some and can brag to my friends that I am no longer a virgin!"

In either case it matters little that our first experience was the most unsatisfying (and possibly shortest) sexual encounter ever – we’re just happy we had sex!

First time sex goes down in everyone’s journal, diary or at least memory bank as the #1 sexual experience we’ll never forget. We remember where it happened, with whom, how old we were, what was said and done before, during and after. No one EVER forgets their first time, no matter how awful it was.

The Partner We Did the Freakiest, Most Taboo Things With

Had a 3-some with your boyfriend and his best friend when you were attending University of Whatever? Explored a same sex relationship with the neighbor in apartment 2-B?

You, a blonde haired blue eyed trust fund baby spent a weekend with Black guy from Houston’s 5th Ward while in Corpus on spring break? Slept with an Asian girl and made your fantasy of interracial sex come true? These are all examples of the types of undercover, secret things people do that satisfy their curiosity and qualify as freaky or excitingly wild and taboo.

No one EVER forgets their freaky, sneaky sexual experiences. No matter how awful they were or how much heat you take if discovered, these memories are high on the list of never to be forgotten.

The Partner We Had the Most Memorable Sex With
In this category are the sexual partners that made their mark on our mind, body and soul. We never knew sex could be so overwhelmingly powerful, so satisfying, so passionately moving. Some people experience such deep emotions they are moved to tearful sobs. Could this be our soul mate?

This partner seems to know intuitively what we want, and gives it to us exactly the way we want it, when we want it, how long we want it. Sometimes we fall in love with this person. For most though, the fear of being engulfed emotionally is overwhelming. We feel off balance, and out of control.

The mental and physical control this partner has over us is terrifying and frightening. Most run from this type of relationship to the safety of our aloneness.

Others return to some tired, ridiculously stupid, unsatisfying ex just so we can feel more in control of ourselves and our emotions. It’s reassuring because we know the limits of past failed relationships, which require no movement from our comfort zone. We’d rather return to the known evil and allow fear to limit our experience than risk reaching for true joy.

Such fear is understandable, but very sad. We then spend the rest of our days reflecting on the most memorable sexual experience of our lives and wondering what could have been if only we’d not been so scared. No matter how hard we try, we can NEVER forget our "soulmate" sexual experiences.

Our Current Partner and The Last Sex We Had
Long-term relationships with a live in mate or spouse offer an emotional security and stability which casual dating and "hook ups" never can. This type of sex may not be the most exciting on a day to day level, but it satisfies emotionally and mentally in a way that makes us feel warm, safe, and happy.

You find that sometimes you have to make an effort to add a bit of spice to your sexual repertoire, but you’re both interested in experimenting and you never feel your response or ideas are being judged in any way but "Hmmm sounds good! Let’s try it baby!"

You may not remember the sex you had last month, but you remember the sex you had last night with a smile that makes you duck your head (so your coworkers won’t see!)

Memories of the last sexual experience shared with the person you love will fade away in a few hours, to be soon replaced by new memories of your creation. No one EVER forgets their latest sexual escapade.

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