Your Ad Could Be Here
By October 13, 2011

When Women Try to Play The Victim Role

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I am 26 years old, divorced, and I have 3 children. My third child came along over 2 years after my divorce, by a guy I was dating for awhile. He was like my best friend and we have everything in common. Our relationship was not just physical, but we have the greatest mental connection. Unfortunately he doesn’t want a relationship. Although he doesn’t go out with other people, he still looks online for girls to talk to or go out on dates with.

As bad as it sounds we live together and he doesn’t plan on moving anytime soon. I am still very much in love with him, and he has love for me but not in love with me. Logic says to get on with my life, make him leave, or I should leave, but I really feel like I won’t find anyone else I connect with like this.

We have the perfect “family life” together, and he always acts like we are together, but he doesn’t want the commitment, although if I were to talk to anyone else or go out with another guy it would drive him crazy. I’m so confused about what I’m doing in this non-relationship, and I feel like I’m too beautiful and intelligent to be going through this.

Many men find me attractive and I know I could get someone else, but my heart won’t let me let him go. How do get over him without ruining a great friendship, or hurting myself too badly?

Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
It kills me how women worry about what some crazy man that is treating them badly thinks and feels! He sure isn’t worrying about ruining a friendship or hurting you, now is he? I don’t understand why are you wasting your time and energy giving love, devotion and consideration to this knucklehead. Why are you providing wifely services to a man that has no interest in you having that position in his life? Why are you giving your heart and everything else to a man  that is not providing you with those things in return?

You do not have a perfect ANYTHING here. You have a sham… a fake and fantasy that you are trying to make a reality in your head. Your relationship is not a family situation, its silliness. Normally I would feel sorry for a woman that wrote a letter with this type of thing happening, because they find out about it accidentally. The man hides his behavior while trying to keep the woman in the dark about how he REALLY feels.

But that is not the case here. You are fully aware of what time it is, yet you continue to pretend that it might be something else.

I can’t even blame dude. it’s not his fault, since he told you that he doesn’t want any sort of committed relationship.That was your clue to tell him to get out and get on. But you didn’t do that.

That means he treats you the way he does because you allow him to.

He looks at other women and goes out with them because you allow the mess to happen right under your roof no less!

He stays in a convenient, loveless living situation with all the perks and benefits, because you are too afraid to take a stand in your own best interest and get rid of this leech.

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MsHeartBeat

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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About the Author:

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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