The 10 Things That Disqualify a Man for Love

Recently I came across an article written by two young men (The Things That Keep a Woman Single), which expressed their thoughts on why so many women are single and lament the fact that they “can’t find a man.” The authors assumed that both of the frustrated woman who they heard say this ridiculous statement were victims of their own erroneous zones, or were single because they made poor dating choices.

I had to laugh. There were many glaring errors of faulty logic in their article, I was compelled to write a response to clear all that up.

Before I get started, I wanted to point out that they ASSUMED an awful lot then ran with those assumptions. Just because a woman says she “can’t find a man” doesn’t mean that she isn’t dating or having sex regularly. What she means is that she hasn’t yet found THE man, the one that she wants to be with forever, the one that she can fully trust, the one whose name she can take with pride, the one she would set up a joint checking account with.

Fellas, there is a huge difference between having “a man” which indicates anything with a penis will do, vs. having “the man” which is a particular honor and level of importance in a woman’s life.

Secondly, in their introduction, the authors used a television show as an example of how real live women handle their dating lives. I don’t know what it is about men and television, but they seriously seem to struggle differentiating between scripted dramas and “fake reality” shows, and real flesh and blood 3D women.

Lastly, these men implied that women had no right to say a man wasn’t good enough for her when he had a “good job” and she wanted to “get laid.” Women at a speed dating event are looking for a relationship, not just some dick. Any woman can get some D, it’s practically blowing up and down the street. Anyway, what does a man’s job have to do with her physical attraction to him? How does him just working a job, like any responsible adult would (like she herself is doing), entitle him to be labeled a “quality” man? She’s supposed to like and want him just because he has a damn job? No matter how corny, socially awkward, out of shape or weird he is?

For those unfamiliar with me, I’m a social researcher, dating expert and advice columnist and have been for 20 years. I’ve interacted with men and women of all ethnicities and ages from all over the globe. My advice is mixed with personal and professional experiences with thousands upon thousands of women. Though we may speak different languages and live in different countries, there are many striking similarities in women with regards to their interests and desires for themselves and their relationships with men.

Here’s a list of the reasons why single women pass over certain men and prefer to stay single.

The 10 Things That Disqualify Men for Love

Curated by

Women Don’t Want Controlling Men: Women Don’t Want Controlling Men

Why would a man tell a woman that she better “know her role” and “play her position” in 2013? This ain’t no Color Purple Celie/Mister shit! A grown woman does not need a man to tell her what SHE is “supposed to be” and “supposed to do” – she’s grown! Women give to men constantly – their bodies, time, energy, and hearts and have every right to have expectations and to have their expectations met. Women are not here to be your fantasy nurturing sex slave best friend combo while you feel entitled to keep her at arms length. You even have the nerve to be using her time and energy, then turn around and tell her that you two aren’t even “boyfriend/girlfriend.” If you aren’t willing to give her privileges in your life, you have no right to expect to get any from her home boy. Stuff like loyalty, exclusivity, or sex. She will seek those things from someone else willing to give them, which is why she is opts to remain single.
Men Fail the Family/Friends Test: Men Fail the Family/Friends Test

Demanding to be the center of a woman’s world to the point that her relationships with friends, family and other women are put aside to concentrate on you is a ridiculous expectation. Women NEED relationships with other women, because men are not up to the task of meeting women’s social, conversational or emotional needs long-term. These people are meaningful to her and they are her circle of influence. To expect a woman to remove her friends and family from her life just because you showed up sounds more like a man who is threatened. He would be suspected of being afraid to be discovered to be trifling and no count. Look, we all know that most men ain’t shit… the authors even said that themselves. They run game and are full of tricks more often than not. Having friends and family around who can vet and judge each new man from a neutral position is invaluable to the single woman. Any man who cannot cut the muster and meet the standards of those important people will get cut, and that woman will stay single and keep looking.
Women Want a Man on Their Level: Women Want a Man on Their Level

If she wants children and you don’t, or she values formal education and you think it’s stupid, you two are not on the same page. If she enjoys travel and new foods but all you want to do is watch TV and eat burgers/fries, you two are not on the same page. If she’s a 8, 9 or 10 and you’re a 3, 4, or 5, she may not give you the time of day. You don’t qualify because you are nowhere near her level of attractiveness. If you are unkempt, look dirty and scruffy like Rick Ross, think sagging and showing your ass is cute, and have moobs and a belly you need a serious reality check. She is college educated, articulate, professionally employed and hot; she has a higher dating market value than you do. You won’t get no play here son! For many men religion is a problem. They want to be first in their woman’s life even over her God. For the religious woman, this is a non-negotiable issue. She would opt to stay single until she finds her Boaz. That means she ain’t gonna settle for Yo Azz!
Women Seek REAL Relationships Not Sex-Ships: Women Seek REAL Relationships Not Sex-Ships

Women want a quality relationship. Unfortunately, too many men want to get all the benefits of a committed relationship without the work or obligations; you want the perks while you have her jump through hoops to prove herself worthy or some crap. Like you are all that. Everyone wants acceptance from their partner. So complaining that a woman never express her anger at anything male lest she be labeled “mean, combative or bitter” is crazy talk. Why would a man think a woman is supposed to walk around with a smile pasted on her face 24/7, looking like a grinning fool? Anyway, I’ve never seen a woman with a man who was treating her right be angry at him. So if your woman isn’t happy and is bitching at you, it’s your fault because you did something you shouldn’t have done, or you were supposed to do something and you didn’t come through. This flakiness and lack of commitment is another reason why women opt to remain single.
Men Say/Do Stupid Shit and Turn Women Off: Men Say/Do Stupid Shit and Turn Women Off

Many relationships have started off great then went bust when the men started opening their mouths and stating their unsolicited “opinions” or strange thoughts. Instead of getting hot you want to throw up. Sometimes those thoughts are inappropriately sexual or you get too touchy feely when you need to keep your hands to yourself. Many guys think its “cute” to drop sexual innuendo into conversations with women they just met; some blatantly ask questions about bra size or favorite sexual positions. Some want to share stories about their sexual escapades having threesomes and whatnot. You just can’t keep your freak flag from flying high. But for the most part, it seems the biggest problem is with men offering their unsolicited opinions about women. Invariably those opinions are critical, condemning judgements about some aspect of her life, work, or appearance. She ain’t trying to hear that! Women get into relationships to feel good around you, to be loved, to share their lives, to laugh and to have great sex. You’re supposed to be talking about HER, not women from your past. And when you say harsh, judgmental things about your new woman she turns off. Little by little she separates from you emotionally until there is nothing left. Doesn’t matter what kind of job the man has or how much money he makes. If he is a jerk that repeatedly hurts her feelings, “disses” her or disrespects her, she has no reason to become or stay involved with that man. Men would do best to shut their pie holes and just sit there, smiling and looking pretty. This is another reason why women opt to leave you alone.
You’re Irresponsible and Have No Leadership Qualities: You’re Irresponsible and Have No Leadership Qualities

A male acquaintance made fun of the original article and declared that “80% of men over a certain age are single because they are losers; 80% of women over a certain age are single because they were once married to those losers!” I would have to agree with him. Some time ago I made a video which is posted on You Tube entitled “Most Men Are Not Qualified to Lead Women or Relationships”. In it I explain how most men don’t know where they are going and have no plan for their lives, so why would a woman sign onto their program and “follow” him anywhere? Women are looking to align themselves with men who not only have a plan for the future, but are busting their ass and making some shit happen. Many accomplished women are single because they enjoy a standard of living they are trying to maintain or improve. If choosing you would compromise that standard of living in any way, she will put you in the wind. In order to keep progressin, these women opt to remain single.
Women Don’t Want a Whining Tall Child: Women Don’t Want a Whining Tall Child

Lots of the things men do are total turnoffs to women and make women run like Forrest Gump in the opposite direction. These guys don’t see themselves as problems though. But check this out fellas. Women get into relationships for companionship, support, an emotional and mental connection with their mate. A man that spends more time gaming in cyberspace than he does talking to and romancing his woman is a man that is soon left behind, or passed over altogether by women. The only woman he is gonna get is named Ava Tar. Think about how many grown men in their 20s, 30s and 40s still race home from their job (if they even have one), and grab their X-Box or Play Station remote control, zoning out for hours in front of a television with a game console. A man who whines about his baby momma drama, his finances, his job, or his mother is also a turnoff. A man who whines that he won’t take a woman out because women just want a free meal is a turnoff too. A man who whines that women need to get with him and support and nurture him is a turnoff. A man who says women need to “let him be a man” is weak and no woman wants him either. Don’t nobody want to be your surrogate momma. Let go of the apron strings and be a man that a woman might want to be with.
Women Refuse to Settle for Less: Women Refuse to Settle for Less

Men tend to be very rigid about what they will and will not accept in a woman in the areas of looks, weight, body type, education, prior children, personality and sex appeal. Yet, black women are pushed to accept broke down ex-cons, street cleaners with a toddler son (which means a lot of baby momma drama), or broke men they need to “help” just so they will “have somebody.” Black women are the only race of women pressured into “holding it down” for the man behind bars, or supporting a grown man financially while his 30 year old ass pursues a rap career. Black women are the only race of women told they need to settle for the guy who is fat, uneducated, unemployable, an irresponsible multiple baby daddy, or a dependent loser. This shit is funny! For the woman looking for a quality relationship, having “a man” is not the most important accomplishment of her life. In other words ain’t nobody got time for that! A woman would rather be single than settle for a man who is not on her level or offering the type of relationship and the emotional and financial stability she is looking for. So women will NEXT you with a quickness.
Your Woman is NOT Your Mother: Your Woman is NOT Your Mother

No woman wants a mamma’s boy type of man. Yeah, we do look at how you treat your mother to see how you treat women. That is true. However, you take the shit too far. Every woman that comes into your life you compare to yo momma. You tell women “well my mother wouldn’t like that!” or “my mother doesn’t cook it that way!” or “my mother would say…” Or if your mother was scandalous, you base your opinions about women on her trifling behavior. So you don’t trust women and think every female is trying to use you like you saw your momma use other men. You need to get some shrink time for that. You can only have one woman in the #1 position in your life and in your bed – the woman in your face or your mother. Though you may love your mother, she needs to take a seat or two as you head into manhood and start looking for a wife. Guys who allow their mothers to dictate their lives need to remember something – you can’t screw your mother. Well I guess you can, but if you are that’s the answer right there why no woman wants you.
You’re a Misogynist (Woman Hater): You’re a Misogynist (Woman Hater)

Women can immediately sense angry, bitter men who don’t like women. Women can tell by the way you look, the sexist comments you make, and the jokes you consider “funny”, and that is an immediate turnoff for women. Men who are misogynists are men who have usually been rejected by women at some stage in their life. Rejection in high school, or from their mother carries over into adulthood and into each situation with every woman they meet. That turns women off too. So, while you think you may be a prize because you make six figures and drive a fancy car now, your body language, belief system and attitude will turn women off and send them running in the opposite direction. Women are not turned on by men who believe simply because you have a penis you are somehow better. Your sexism denies her a voice. You position yourself as a dictator, as if you know more about what she should do than she does. A man who hates women will never show her she is valued and loved. But your angry, hateful, judgemental and controlling ways drive women way and make you unsuitable for a relationship.
In Closing…: In Closing…

Most men go into relationships solely based upon what they can get out of them. These men mistakenly believe women must be coupled up to be happy… that they are in a power position. In reality, many women simply don’t want to be bothered and are very happy with their solo status.

The women looking for a quality relationship want a partner who places a high value on her happiness and does what it takes to keep her that way. She wants a man who asks himself “what can I give to my relationship?” instead of “what is she gonna do for me?” A woman wants a partner who sees her as important to his happiness, a permanent not disposable fixture in his heart. Women are looking for a man interested in finding out what makes her happy and is invested in her happiness just as he is his own. Women are looking for a man who focuses on the “we” not on the “I”. Women today are looking for a loving man who is willing to hold her hand and walk through the park, down the aisle, and to that happily ever after.