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By October 1, 2011

Dating tips: who pays for the dates?

I’ve been dating women who say they are a “modern, independent woman of the new millenium”… with that in mind, who is supposed to be paying for the dates we go out?

When a man and woman go out on a “casual” lunch for the first time, is it inconsiderate for the guy to pay for his own and the women her own lunch? What are the rules on who pays for dates these days?

My belief is that when it does come to dating, HE OR SHE THAT ASKS FOR THE DATE IS THE ONE THAT IS EXPECTED TO PAY. So next time a woman calls you on Friday night hinting around about going out for a drink, or to see a movie or show, make sure you ask her if she is intending to pay or if she is expecting YOU to pay for the evening’s entertainment.

Likewise, if you ask a woman out, MAN UP! Don’t anticipate or expect that she will offer to pay “her half”, leave the tip, pay the parking, or anything else on the date. YOU asked HER out, remember? We would assume that your interest in her is romantic, and you need to establish that fact right off the bat. Don’t let her put you in THE FRIEND ZONE unless that is where you want to be – make it very clear that this is a DATE, and that your interest in her is more than platonic. Then we must refer back to Belief #1 and remind you that as the asking party, it is your duty to make sure that the choice of dating spots or date entertainment is within your budget. That way if your date doesn’t turn out to be anything special, you won’t be upset or feeling taken advantage of.

That is why I recommend that men do pay for dates, but that first and even second dates be rather inexpensive. Examples might be a light lunch, a quick happy hour drink at a nice bar, an ice cream cone and chat on a park bench in the warmer months, or a latte at a nearby coffee shop… that kind of thing.

Early dates should take place in an environment conducive to conversation and getting to know the woman. A man should not break his piggy bank trying to impress a woman with extravagant generosity. Don’t set yourself up by going overboard early on, because if you two DO establish a relationship, she will expect that you will do more and better, not less.

Modern dating is confusing, I admit. And modern women must adjust to modern times.

An independent woman of the new millenium has to realize that men are complaining about being expected to pay for dates all the time (though they certainly want the benefits of old fashioned dating, they don’t want to be inconvenienced financially it seems). So that may mean that if you ladies want to spend time with a certain man, you may have to invite men over for dinner and cook, or occasionally reach into your wallet and pull out that Visa Gold Card or some Dead Presidents if you don’t want to always stay at home alone.

And for both men and women, if you aren’t sure about the intentions of a lunch or dinner date with someone you don’t know that well, you should have no problem asking: “are you treating or are we going Dutch?” Clear communication in dating whether you are male or female is the key to success.

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Posted in: Dating FAQs

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