Repeatedly black women have expressed to that the biggest fear that Black women have about interracial relationships is the worry that she is being used as a social experiment, fetishized, and not truly loved. Columnist Deborrah Cooper shares insightful tips for non-black males interested in a romantic relationship with a black woman.
Umar Johnson is a self-proclaimed “nationally certified” expert on child psychology who is given lots of credit and support for his somewhat controversial and sometimes downright crazy theories. Most recently he has been associated with attempting to collect $5 million to buy the land and buildings of now-defunct historically black college St. Paul College in Lawrenceville, Virginia. Here’s why he’s not the man for the job.
Jeremy Meeks is a 30 year old former gang member of African American descent caught up in the criminal justice system and locked up in a cell. But as he proved this week, he can pull the positive attention and sexual interest of more women than 75% of the men walking around free. And these salty ass dudes can’t STAND it.
Marriage is pushed on black girls as an achievement (get a ring!), but on black boys as harmful and dangerous. So the males avoid it. Yet, they turn around and attempt to judge and condemn black women who are unmarried as if she is somehow faulty, bad or lacking in some way — when in reality he had no intention of marrying her in the first place! He is just using her single, unmarried status as an excuse to avoid accountability for his deceitful actions with women who he knows long for commitment and a husband.
How is it that on one hand Black men are referred to as Kings and believe themselves entitled to be in a leadership role in any relationship, household or family. Yet, on the other they complain that Black women need to do more “uplifting” and “help a Black man be successful” and “be a helpmeet” (whatever that botched up word means)? I don’t get it.
This year Hallmark released Father’s Day cards for single moms, and Deb Cooper put it on a meme which caused a firestorm of controversy in the black community this past week. Why can’t single moms be honored with a card on Father’s Day if they’re doing the work of both parents? Instead of complaining, why don’t these absentee black fathers step up for their offspring?
The vast majority of the women who reviewed this meme acknowledged that they’d heard some if not all of these deflections and excuses from men. I just thought it important to provide a reality check on the issue of why more black women aren’t married. We get blamed for being single in large numbers as if we are faulty and deficient in some way, when in reality as long as you mess around with chumps like this that make every excuse in the book to NOT marry, you will remain single for the rest of your life.
You will find out what type of person he is very quickly if you pay attention. Never think that anything YOU did or said caused him to disrespect you. He is not a child. Men know very well how to treat women. Anything other than respect is a test to see what he can get away with or his passive-aggressive attempt to demean and degrade you on the sly.
According to statistics, black women are the least married demographic in the nation. Though there are black women with no interest in marriage, there are still a large number of young black women who dream of having a wedding where they wear the white gown and become Mrs. Somebody or Other. But black women do not make the decision to be married alone, they need a husband. Why are black men so reluctant to marry?
The only way out of the mental and emotional hole black women are in is to join hands and pull each other up. Columnist and social researcher Deborrah Cooper proposes 12 Commandments of Sisterhood as a great starting point for the Black Women’s Empowerment movement.
Don’t allow yourself to get crossed up in those types of mind games. If your man is headed for a fall, step back and let him hit the ground. He’s a grown man, not a baby. You don’t need to rush in there and try to make it all better for him like his Mommy. He’ll get up on his own or reach out to other men to help him up, and he’ll be stronger and smarter for the hard knots he has on his big head and the lessons he’s learned.
Men need a reality check and women are here to give it to them. Never support a man’s dream when its unrealistic, unattainable dreams and he is clearly setting himself up for failure.