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By October 2, 2013

Day 19 – 40 Days of Rain on DBR Black Men: Pastor Tricks and Lies

Pastor Jamal Bryant is a big name on Facebook with more than 300,000 LIKES to his page. This is the same Jamal Bryant whose marriage ended because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and was fucking around on his wife. Keep this in mind – he is just a regular dude who fucks up, cheats and lies just like every other fool. So he is nothing special or unique. He’s a young cat out of Maryland whose profile picture makes him look more like the Fruit of Islam than a Baptist preacher, but whatever.

As you know I am not big on pastors and this whole church thing. So when they come out with anything that starts telling women what to do, I’m positioned to give them a serious side eye. Today though I came down with a bad case of Rhetoric Fatigue Syndrome when this quote was sent to me as posted by Pastor Bryant this morning. Shockingly, this quote was shared more than 1400 times and liked by more than 7000 people. Why though? Maybe you can figure that out.

Gentlemen… this season of your life don’t get a woman who will be a SHADOW find one that will be a SHIELD!

Of course, not all of the shares were in support of what the pastor had to say. Some of us were like “can you believe this simple bullshit?” But most people were sharing because they supported and cosigned what Bryant had to say.

Where Is THAT in the Bible?

It’s customary for black pastors to freestyle when it comes to their sermons and the things they quip for their followers. They like to sound all wise and philosophical and shit. Yet, most big named preachers are rarely teaching directly from the scriptures; it’s more like they are in the business of making people FEEL good with a lot of pomp and circumstance, with little regard making statements in line with what is supposed to be the Word of God.

9425131_sSome posters on the thread argued that his statement should not be taken literally, but instead with scriptures in Hebrews, Ephesians, Proverbs and Samuel which reference a Christian’s faith being his shield. Okay, that’s fine, but that isn’t what he SAID. That isn’t what he WROTE. There were no connections given to any scriptures. Pastor Bryant made a flat statement which, had it been said aloud in a crowd or a church, would have not been at all linked or thought to reference scriptures in Hebrews, Ephesians or Samuel.

Plus, if you have to GUESS at what the Pastor is telling you, what benefit is it for him to be talking?

One woman offered her interpretation by saying: “He means shielding in prayer. Men have weak times and times that they need someone to have their backs also. Like when people try to put them down for making a/or mistakes, or when they are not successful at some things that they want to be. His woman can shield him in love, encouragement, caring for him when he is up, down, sad, mad, disappointed in different walks of life…like shielding in that manner……and not allowing people to put him down, even when he and she have some upsetting moments…don’t let no one bring you mess on your man and start drama…keep your business in-house and work it out together….shield him from being thrown down in this world in any kind of way…be there for him and shield him and build him up….men need comforting and protecting too at times.”

Another offered the excuse that since it was a Twitter tweet, the pastor was limited to 140 characters or less to share his pastoral message. My thought was hey, if you can’t be clear about what you want to say in 140 characters, maybe you should not be sending your sermon out via Twitter!

Say What You Mean, and Mean What You Say

First of all, it congregants or readers of a status update should never be forced to guess, interpret and then explain to others what a pastor MIGHT POSSIBLY MAYBE KINDA mean, especially when their interpretation is NOT WHAT HE SAID, but some stuff created out of their own heads. They are of course entitled to their spin, but its no more valuable or correct than mine. At least mine is based on what he actually wrote! I therefore feel my understanding is what Pastor Bryant REALLY meant.

And I don’t like it.

To me his statement directs black women to step up and assume more of a mammy slave mule role for black men. To me his statement instructs men to choose a woman that is willing to prostrate herself, sacrifice herself, slave away and make life easy for a grown ass man by working herself to the bone to raise him up. Because Pastor told her to.

Well, I’m saying that’s a lie. It is not a woman’s job to shield a man in any way shape or form – that is HIS role to do for HER AND HIS FAMILY. If one does not want to be a man and stand up to protect and shield those that depend on you as their protector and leader, then you are not worthy of being called a husband, a father or even a man. And you should not have the title or receive any of the benefits of those roles.

Lastly, it is only black men that presume that a woman should step in front of them and “help” them, “protect” them, “hold them up” or anything else! Too many black men have dependent, diaper wearing attitudes about the women in their lives, it’s just embarrassing. Why black women would even want to date, let alone marry some girly effeminate spineless wimpy guy with this mindset is beyond my understanding.

Instead of Pastor Bryant reinforcing the weak mentality so prevalent in African American males these days, he should be using his platform to teach strength, determination, commitment to a cause, patience, honor, respect, kindness and purpose – traits that black men need to have to succeed in life AND relationships.

Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don’t

Black men subscribe to two thought processes about women, and neither are healthy:

On one hand they think black women are supposed to shield and protect them, save them, take care of them, nurture them and love them unconditionally like their mother does. On the other they think black women are supposed to fall back, submit as the bible says, and allow him his “natural role” as leader.

Okay, so which one is it – you can’t be leader when it’s convenient and fun, then force your woman out front to shield you when the going gets a little tough quoting Pastor Bryant!20962074_s

Unfortunately, Pastor Bryant is advocating that a man put his woman out front while he hides behind her skirts like a frightened child, or sets her up to do all the work of the relationship, the decision making, the child care, the financial work, and everything else all alone as he abandons her emotionally and physically. This is flat out wrong. Black men need to seriously step their game up and stop being punks.

Your role as leader means that you take the first hit. Your role as captain means you are responsible for charting the winning course. Your role as provider and protector means you give your family and your mate what they need to be safe, secure and successful. You provide your counsel and guide them with wisdom, patience and knowledge.

If you don’t have any of those resources readily available, you go out and get them – that’s the job you signed on for when you married or when you became a father. From the mundane to the dangerous – it is your role to shield them from hunger, from cold, from worry or pain.

You, as the man of the house, are to protect those in your circle from harm at all cost, even laying down your life to ensure their safety and survival. You do not hide behind and use a woman in any way to shield you from anything or anybody.

Some husbands and fathers, like these listed below, get it.

Don’t Listen to Anything That Puts Women in the Role of Protector to Men

So if you are a black man or woman, and you believed the message Pastor Bryant laid out for you about a woman being your shield, you need to forget you ever heard that mess. Black women especially need to remember that everything that comes out of your Pastor’s mouths is neither biblical nor truth. Most of the time when so-called black religious leaders are giving an instruction about what black women need to do/be/say/or not do, there is an agenda at work. And 99.9% of the time their agendas are detrimental to black women emotionally, psychologically, physically and/or financially.

No woman should ever believe it is her role to hold a man down, protect him, or shield him. That is HIS job to do for YOU. Stop switching things around and allowing men to put you in the position of being the man in the relationship.

Though he may manipulate for you to be there with bible quotes and mind games, once you are he will resent you for it, say you are emasculating him, and accuse you of “trying to wear the pants” and “take over.” Or he’ll start ranting and raving about feminism and how feminism is responsible for destroying the black family and feminizing black men and masculinizing black women, and it’s all your fault.

Don’t allow yourself to get crossed up in those types of mind games. If your man is headed for a fall, step back and let him hit the ground. He’s a grown man, not a baby. You don’t need to rush in there and try to make it all better for him like his Mommy. He’ll get up on his own or reach out to other men to help him up, and he’ll be stronger and smarter for the hard knots he has on his big head and the lessons he’s learned.

Black women take a seat and cross your legs. Have a nice cup of herbal tea. Rest yourself. You are a beautiful vessel of life, a delicate bloom of multicolored hues and amazing scents. You are love, you are creative joy, you are rhythmic beats of harmonious sound, you are a blessing to humanity itself and the world.

But the one thing you are NOT is a shield for men to hide behind.

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Posted in: Coop's Corner

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