By October 1, 2011

Do people date anymore or just hook up?

Question:
I’m sick of the “Booty-Call” syndrome and obviously fake relationships that fail. What am I doing wrong?

I’m a 23-year-old, single, college-educated black female. I just relocated to Atlanta from Virginia. I’ve noticed a growing trend that really bothers me. Ms. HeartBeat, do people still date, or are there only so-called “booty calls?” and what my coworkers call “hooking up?”

My friends and I are attractive, educated women who don’t seem to have any dates. I was just wondering if this is a problem for other women our age…or men too for that matter? I would like to be married someday, but we got to start somewhere, right? How should I go about trying to meet the kind of men that I am interested in?

Answer:
Ms. HeartBeat believes that men do what women allow or encourage them to do. If women said “no” then there would BE no booty calls, you feel me?

So for women to repeatedly allow this kind of behavior must mean that they are getting exactly what they want and are looking for. To them I say “don’t write me!”

Now for you, all I can say is that you must continue to believe that there are many, many good and decent men of all cultures looking for a beautiful, productive sistah to meet and date. Men that are serious about their life and future want a partner, not just a pretty arm piece with a bubble-gum brain.

Start by getting together with your friends and having some honest dialogue. Each of you should have a space where you can share with the others the behaviors, attitudes or words that may be off putting to the types of men you seek. Remember, in spite of their stated bravery, most men are scared little boys inside and terrified of rejection or looking stupid. The more you can do to create an environment where he feels comfortable and accepted, the easier it will be for him to approach and/or ask you out.

Keep an open mind too. You’re very young and most people in your age group haven’t “arrived” quite yet. Many may still be students getting their Masters or an MBA or J.D. He may currently work at Fed Ex or be kinda broke as he struggles along to achieve his dream of financial independence via entrepreneurship. As long as you see that he is on the path to being greater later (not just giving lip service to it), then I say give that man a chance.

If you have a snooty attitude about the kind of man you MUST have, dump it before you go out in public. Men hate that, and it will prevent many men that may not be your fantasy dreamboat (but that would be in reality absolutely perfect for you) from approaching.

Also, of you go out to parties and the like, take only ONE girlfriend with you. Don’t travel in packs like hunting wolves…that runs men off as well.

If you are out and about and happen across a young man that you would like to meet, give him one of your pretty smiles and wave. Works like a charm and you won’t have to say much of anything after that. He will break his neck to get over there and check out the fascinating female that gave him the green light to approach.

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Deborrah Cooper

Visionary creator of AskHeartBeat.Com is an author, social researcher and columnist who enthralls fans and enjoys riling haters.

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Posted in: Dating FAQs

About the Author:

Visionary creator of AskHeartBeat.Com is an author, social researcher and columnist who enthralls fans and enjoys riling haters.

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