Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I’m black and my boyfriend is white. We’ve been together for about 3 months and things are going great (on the inside), but when we go to public places like restaurants or malls I feel very uncomfortable because of all of the looks I get from people. I mean I get dirty looks from white people and black people, and it’s so frustrating. I didn’t think dating a white man would bring me so much negative attention. He doesn’t mind it or ignores it, but I’m the opposite. I’m like it’s 2014 people. Love is love, right?
Hate the Dirty Looks
Dear Hate The Looks:
Why do I want to grab you by the collar and slap the black off you? Girl, you are being so silly.
First let me say this, I corrected your punctuation for the website, but your use of lower case “i” when speaking about yourself is a clear and classic indicator of extremely low self esteem. That, coupled with what you wrote, tells me that you are a person who has a very low opinion of herself, who needs outside kudos and acknowledgement to validate yourself… something you are incapable of doing for yourself.
I can flatly tell you that needing validation from complete strangers to feel good about yourself is a huge, I mean Godzilla sized mistake. They don’t know you, don’t care about you, don’t give a crap if you live or die. Yet you are basing your sense of who you are and how “good” you are as a person, if you are accepted and good enough on their opinion and looks? Do you see how simple that sounds? So I suggest you schedule some sessions with a counselor immediately. Use your health care benefits and get some help. Because as long as you think the way you do, you’ll forever get your feelings hurt by complete strangers and everyone else. Why do you care what they think? You’ll live a life of pain of your own creation.
Now, on to your letter. Get your mind right chick. Again, you are focusing too much on what OTHER PEOPLE think when they aren’t paying you, aren’t related to you, aren’t doing you any favors, aren’t in your life, none of that. Who cares what they think? They ain’t nobody.
I strongly suggest you focus on your little dude there and what he is bringing to your life, what you can bring to his, and what you two can do together. Enjoy him. Guys that you are compatible with and who treat you well of ANY race are hard to find these days. Don’t screw it up worrying about stupid stuff.