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By May 20, 2014

Overanxious Guy Moving Too Fast Gets the Boot

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Females are ridiculous. Took a lady out, had a great time – she was super into it. SHE leaned in for a kiss, asked for another date etc. THEN she goes completely cold for three days.

I text a few times, no response. Fourth day, she calls but I miss the call so I call back, no answer.

Sent flowers today to say that I enjoyed the date the old fashioned way – no phone call. YES, she’s at work and YES, it’s only been a few hours since they were delivered, but still — wouldn’t you call someone who sent you flowers like immediately!? Shiittt.

J.T. – San Jose, California

Dear J.T.:
Dude you need to chill out. The overanxious types of guys are a turnoff. You want to adopt a manly “yeah baby, I know you dig me” type of persona. Right now you are acting like a temper throwing toddler and it’s not sexy.

There are four options here for why she went cold for three days and didn’t call you back immediately:

  1. Her attraction to you scared her. She went into hiding to have time to separate herself from you and get herself together. She is worried that she was too forward and that you will perceive that as desperation or as a quick and easy lay, and she doesn’t want you to think that of her. So she is separating herself from you somewhat to give herself time to think;
  2. She is playing the Pick Up Artist “build interest through scarcity” game (one of the games they advise men to play on women), on you instead. That would mean she is just playing silly games and doesn’t really like you for dating, she just wanted a victim for revenge;
  3. She is trying to slow things down a little bit because maybe she has rushed into things before and saw a familiar pattern that she doesn’t want to repeat. In other words, this is about HER, not you at all; or
  4. She’s never dated a guy who responded so positively to her before and she’s lost about how to proceed, so she’s doing nothing.

If ever in doubt how to act with a woman who is giving mixed signals, remember James Bond. “Bond. James Bond.” Then behave accordingly. Ask for clarification, attempt to communicate clearly about what is going on (never assume you know), and treat her with respectful courtesy. That doesn’t mean you have to date or marry her, just means if you decide she isn’t your cup of tea for whatever reason, let her go in kindness. Cause Karma can be a bitch. You don’t want that.

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