Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
My fiance’ keeps telling me to stop telling my 22 year old son not to date Black girls, but I just don’t like them for my son. I have my own personal reasons why. I don’t see what the big deal is. After all, I’m entitled to my opinion and I feel that as his mother, it’s my right and duty to warn him.
No Black Girls
Dear Crazy Evil Hag:
If every single White woman on this planet were totally wonderful, accomplished, educated, intelligent, honest, loving, genuine, non drug addicted, non smoking, non drunk, an excellent mother, religious, slim, shapely, a fantastic cook, great in bed, and perfect in every way imaginable then your concerns would make sense.
But since we know that is HARDLY the case, your statements sound ignorant.
What exactly is it that you feel you need to “warn” him about when it comes to an entire ethnic group? Though you have every right to warn your son about a particular individual that may be wrong, or a single Black woman has done something you feel is unacceptable and damaging to your son, you are at this juncture stereotyping all Black women by being so prejudiced and close-minded. You are “warning” your son against fictitious wrongdoings that have not committed – by anyone. You are basically saying that ALL Black women are guilty (without a fair trial or the least bit of evidence), and setting yourself up to be judge, jury and executioner. Wow.
A parent is supposed to want the best for his or her child. Our responsibility as parents is to teach our offspring to expect the best for themselves by teaching them how to choose a mate wisely. Whether black, white, or green with pink polka dots, a man or woman’s heart, values, morals and mindset is what makes them perfect for our child. Not their skin color.
It seems that people actually tend to be more on the same wavelength with those that are in their same socioeconomic class much more so than the same race, which is why educated accomplished Black women are more and more often dating and marrying White men of similar education and accomplishment, with similar life experiences and interests.
You certainly have the right to voice your opinion, but you do not have the right to demand that your son adhere to your demands. Nor do you have the right to expect that he allow you to dictate who he can and cannot date. Give him your reasons and leave it at that. If he still chooses to date Black women after hearing your reasons, respect that is his prerogative.
Since he’s a grown man it’s his responsibility to make his own decisions, your personal biases aside. Chances are some reverse psychology will going to kick in, and you’re going to be the Grandma to a biracial baby real soon. By pushing against one type of person and going toe to toe with your son about his interests and choices, it may actually encourage him to date Black women and feel a sense of vindication at intentionally ignoring your strict, exclusive standards.
Remember that telling your son these types of nasty things just lets him know you could not be the true Christian you purport to be. In other words, you are a fraud madam. And that kind of thing makes children disappointed in their parents, and it breaks their heart that you have been lying to them their entire life. Once a child feels his parent is a fraud, you will never be thought of in the same admirable way anymore. Sometimes trust is damaged as well. And some even go so far as to eliminate their parents from their lives, as they don’t want to place their beloved mate in a situation that would end with them being disrespected, called names or shunned.
Your best bet would be to rescind your racist statements, give him a hug, and tell him that as long as he finds a woman that loves and respects him, and who has his back, you will welcome her into your heart and home with open arms.
Show your son the love and respect he deserves, not hate. We have too much hate in the world already, and more than enough damaged families. Let it go lady before you lose your son altogether.