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By October 21, 2011

Why Won’t Women Talk to Me?

Dear Ms. HeartBeat:

How come women say there are no good men out there, yet they always dis’ every man that asks them to dance at the club? Women of every age are so phony. “I want a man that won’t beat me,” or “I want a man that loves GOD!” Yet a guy that is a good guy, that cares about his appearance, and that respectfully asks a lady to dance gets dissed left and right. Women are so phony that I don’t know what to do.

I’m the same guy that has been divorced for 4 years that wrote you a few weeks ago. You said try to meet women without expecting them to be your girlfriend and that’s what I did tonight and for the past week. I’ve been rejected repeatedly. I think that women are oblivious to what their rejections do.

I wish this was a society where women approached men, then let’s see how they would feel. I want to say forget all women, but I can’t. I am so lonely it hurts. I’m a man that finds it hard to find women that I like that wants to talk to me. All the local relationship experts in Pittsburgh are geared towards white people, so that’s why I’m writing you again.

I truly hate women now. I wish I didn’t need them.

Pissed Off and Lonely

Dear POL:
Let’s take your issues in order Mr. Pouty Man:

#1 Serious women don’t hang at nightclubs. Superficial women are what you are going to find hanging out at nightclubs. Party girls, people that just want to have fun. Those women are going to go for the hottest dude, with the hot body, the cutest outfit, the best rap and the tightest game cause all they are about is a good time and entertainment. Is your visual presentation up to par? You been in the gym lately? Been to the dentist lately? Updated your glasses, haircut and wardrobe to be attractive to women?

#2 I can feel your frustration and anger at the entire female gender … it comes  through in your email. Since it’s so overwhelming, I’m sure it shows on your face and in your body language when you are around women. Keep in mind that women are VERY sensitive to emotional and non-verbal signals that men send. A woman would turn you down because she senses that you are either a drama filled woman hater, or the kind of guy that thinks because he danced with a woman one time he owns her for the evening and into the hereafter!

#3 Trying to meet women without expecting anything is NOT what you did. I said go out and have fun and not expect anything except maybe a friend. You obviously expected these women to reciprocate your interest, which no one is obligated to do no matter how nice and respectable you deem yourself to be! And since these women didn’t want to dance with you, I’m wondering how you know that you “like” someone you know nothing about. To me it means your “liking” is based strictly on physical attraction. Sounds reasonable to me that you need to change your criteria since what you “like” apparently isn’t attracted to you in return.

#4 Rejection is part of life. You don’t get every job you apply for, so why do you think you should get every woman you want? Being rejected by complete strangers is nothing to get yourself all worked up over. The problem here is not the women’s reaction, its your expectations. Unknown and unreasonable expectations are the root cause of 99.9% of all friendships and relationships dissolving. I’ve always wondered why men get so attached to a specific outcome and have all these expectations attached to some broad they don’t even know! It’s just amazing and silly to me.

If you guys saw rejection no big deal instead of as some scathing judgment and condemnation of yourself and your manhood, you would be a lot better off. In other words, get over yourself and change your way of thinking. Even if a woman does want a man of God that won’t beat her, that still doesn’t mean she has to want those things FROM YOU. In spite of what you may believe, you are NOT entitled to get everything you want from women when you want it the way you want it. You ain’t that cute, okay?

#5 Lastly, one week of trying something new is hardly enough time to get results. You haven’t yet made the change in thinking required to be successful in your new endeavor. Fix your attitude and get back out there. Keep trying for at least a month saying hello to every woman you see (whether old or young, fine or not) and sharing a smile.

Remember, my suggestions are just ideas… not a magic wand for you to wave and poof, you’ll come home with a new love.

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Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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About the Author:

Relationship and dating advice columnist of Ask HeartBeat! Has enjoyed dishing out insightful yet hilariously funny advice, tersely worded reality checks and "let me slap you upside the head" wake up calls to men and women around the globe since 1991.

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