Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
Times have changed and women earn more money these days than compared to traditional housewives in years past. Some women even outdo men in corporate salaries and earnings. So my question is: who pays on the first date? Is it simply “the asker buys”? Should it ever be split Dutch? What say ye??
Pay No More
Dear No More:
Men should ALWAYS pay on the first three dates at least. If the woman offers to pay tip, be happy. But understand if a woman is reaching for her wallet on the first date it means she is establishing boundaries. It usually means she doesn’t like you, doesn’t want to ever see your mugg again, and doesn’t want to risk having you feel like she owes you something because you spent $50 on a date!
Personally, I think that men who use the excuse that women work too are weak. I also think that men who want to point to the few women that make high salaries (most work waitressing, housekeeping, child care, retail and clerical/administrative support positions) are also looking for an excuse to be selfish.
Part of the attraction a woman has to a man is that he can literally and figuratively take care of her and her offspring. Men demonstrate that through giving gestures. If you won’t give at the beginning, you will not give later. Selfish men are selfish men. Period.
Pretty much the only thing men DO in relationships is pay for the date. You all don’t do much else after entering into a committed relationship (think about it!) to maintain closeness or love.
Men relax in relationships and put the burden on the shoulders of women to do that relationship maintenance work and to make you feel good about being in the relationship.
Few men even THINK about going outside themselves to show appreciation, affection and adoration to their woman on a regular basis. Women do all that for their men, the man’s family, the man’s children, the man’s bosses that come for dinner, the kids school, her own extended family, the neighborhood, etc. Women give all the time, and society expects it otherwise she be deemed “a bad mother” or “a bad wife.”
With all that said, a man reaching into his pocket to pay for a date is nothing. You all get off easy. So shaddup and pick up that check.