Dear Ms. HeartBeat:
I am pregnant and I am due September 14, 2010. This is my first child and our first marriage. My husband has an 8 year old daughter from a previous 2 year relationship; they split up shortly after my stepdaughter was born. We are supposed to get her every other weekend and some holidays.
My question is, should my stepdaughter be invited to the baby shower, even though I know she will try to ruin the event?
My worries are not without reason. I threw my husband a birthday party back at the end of August and my stepdaughter was there, but while we were singing happy birthday to my husband, everyone noticed that my stepdaughter was crying. Everyone finished the song and asked her what the problem was. Needless to say, she wanted all the attention on her that day and cried and whined until she got it.
I am concerned … if she willingly ruined her own father’s birthday party, what will she do to me, the stepmother??!!
She’s just a child and I don’t blame her for this. I really love her with all my heart, but I feel like the baby shower is supposed to be a time where family and friends celebrate new life, and I don’t think she is going to be able to handle not having the spotlight all to herself.
By the way, this will be a coed baby shower that my husband will be attending, I just don’t know exactly when it will happen, because my mom is hosting the shower and wants it to be a surprise. Please help me.
Ms. HeartBeat Responds:
No, she should not be there. This is your first baby and you deserve to have a memorable, happy experience without drama or the interference of a whining brat. So get your husband to find out the date and time from your Mother, then have him make arrangements to have the kid elsewhere during the shower. Hubby needs to do it, not you.
Don’t listen to anyone that wants you to sacrifice yourself for this child. It’s just ONE DAY where you get the spotlight on you. The new Mom deserves to have ONE DAY out of her life to celebrate her new baby and her new position as a mother WITHOUT burdening herself with some other woman’s child. IT’S JUST ONE DAY.
You have the rest of your life to be a stepmother and include that child. After all, that girl’s mother had her day without a kid around, so why should you be forced to deny yourself just because you are having his second child? Screw that!
Take your day and don’t feel guilty about it. The kid can be included in everything else – teach her how to hold a baby (using a doll), and talk to her about being a big sister and how proud you will be of her, etc. Hubby needs to be in on it as well. She needs to see that her family and the love she can get will INCREASE, she won’t be losing anything.
But you deserve to have ONE DAY just for you and your new baby and no one should try to guilt trip you about it either.
Category: Daily Advice Questions